Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I'm 35!

And I don't mind.  I haven't hit an age yet that made me worry about growing old.  I'm ok with 35.

I am a bit surprised about where my life has gone.

If I think back to when I was 25 and compare my life today, my 25 year old self just wouldn't believe all that is going on:
I wouldn't have guessed I hadn't finished my PhD by now.
I wouldn't have guessed I had ever had a kid or gotten married.
I wouldn't have guessed that my Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction wasn't ruling my life every single day.

If I think back to when I was 30 and compare my life today, my 30 year old self just wouldn't believe all that is going on:
I wouldn't have guessed I'd be back in school, but here I am getting my masters.
I definitely wouldn't have guessed I'd be getting divorced; back then we were really a great couple.
I would be thrilled that I'm a mom, but I would be sad that I'm a single mom. I swore I'd never go down that 'single mom' path.  It was either a family or not for me...But you don't always to get decide how your life goes.  The only thing I can control is how I react to it.
I would never have guessed that I'd have liver disease and my other autoimmune conditions and living the way I have to now.

 So much changes in 5 year spans...

Even with everything going on, I have to say I feel very fortunate.  I have an awesome kid, first and foremost.  I also have an awesome job.  I have good friends and a loving extended family.  My nuclear family may have been broken, but this situation has only helped me to see who my true family and friends are. It's been eye opening to say the least.

I don't recall my 25 year celebration- Something in Florida, I'd guess, spent with Stephanie for her summer visit probably- Those were always the best!  My 30 year celebration was in Mexico and I remember it fondly, but my 35 year celebration is even more awesome- I will get to hang out with my kid - the most awesome little girl in the world and definitely the person I love to spend my time with! And then I will get to see more family this weekend.

This is my first 'single mom' birthday.  I'm accepting this title more and more each day.  I'm way more sad for Zoe than for me.  I loathe to think of the hardships she faces over the years growing up in a split family, but I think we will muddle our way through it some how.  Maybe even appreciate what we have more than we might have because we've been reminded not to take anything for granted- life can easily get turned upside down in a second.

So yea, my life is certainly in a very different place than I would have guessed, but I can't say that it's all bad.  I have lots of things to be thankful for, so I just focus on those.  The not-so-good things are there, but I try not to let them rule my life.

I wonder what I will write for my 40th?!